I have such little motivation and am so depressed. I can’t bring myself to talk to Abby, I have no subjects and I’m sick of always having to be the one to come up with them. Why would you rely on a depressed person to set the tone of conversations anyway, makes no sense.

I need to get my motivation back up to do job apps but it’s hard. I feel like I’ve searched for just about everything by this point. I don’t know what to do. I graduated uni with a pretty low student loan yet I can’t pay it off ’cause I have no employment and despite all the apps I’ve put in, I’ve received so few calls back. The calls I did get back, I had to fight to keep their attention. I’d give them my hours and they’d say they would contact me again, if I didn’t call them back myself, they wouldn’t say another word. It’s ridiculous.

I wish Bangtan were coming back already, I could use something positive and new in my life. I used to like the teasing period right before a new release but I don’t anymore, it’s almost agonizing and I don’t enjoy the main thread as much as before ’cause it moves way too fast even when nothing’s happening. It’s depressing and stressful. It’s becoming increasingly hard to enjoy my hobbies. Thinking of all this is making my head hurt.